Wednesday, January 12, 2011 05:35
Many people, regardless of race, color, or creed enjoy going into the backcountry to hunt, fish, hike, and camp. These activities are time-honored traditions that many, if not most, Americans still hold dear. However, a strange phenomenon occurs when people from the urban centers of America travel to rural areas to partake in these activities. Over a period of time, they start to drop their Rs, loosen their grip over their vowels, and generally forget to pronounce the last few letters of any word in the English language. This change in speaking comes from a certain identity or image that many people start to adopt as soon as they get into the woods, that of the cowboy and the rugged outdoorsman.
While the horse-riding, quick-drawing, gun-slinging, cattle-rustling, harmonica-playing cowboy of yore is almost extinct; people still try to connect with our historical past through the new horse of the west—the truck.
The truck is a platform that allows people to exhibit their personal devotion and appreciation of the backcountry way of life. By ruralizing, or for those less politically correct, red-necking, their vehicles, they are proclaiming to the world that, despite the caramel macchiato in the cupholder and their custom pre-ripped jeans, they are rugged individuals who weather whatever nature throws at them and take life by the horns.
The following is a general guide for the aspiring cowpoke, cattle rustler, or ranch hand:
- Get yourself a big truck: (minimum 1 ton) “We don’t want no Toyota Tonka trucks in these parts”
- Tires and wheels: Nothing says I’m a real cowboy than big aggressive tires and wheels. (Warning: no spinners. This will get you shot)
- Exhaust: The louder it is, the more pipes it has, the greater your cowboy rating increases.
- Lift Kit: Nothing says, “I can tackle whatever the elements throw at me” than a nice lift kit.
- Protection: This comes in two forms, direct and indirect. Direct being a gun, or three or more, mounted somewhere in or on your truck, while indirect consists of a beefy push bumper up front.
- Practical Accessories: Front- and roof-mounted spotlights, internal and/or external gun rack, CD collection of classic country songs, winch, and lots of straps/ropes for carrying home that deer you will inevitably hit.
- Horns: This actually covers two topics in one. First, modify your car horn to be more aggressive. Second, and most importantly, strap bull, elk, deer, or moose, horns to the hood or cab of your truck.
- Status Accessories: These just add some custom flair and extra bonus points to your Wild West image. Decals, badges, bumper stickers, old work tools, random rusty metal objects, and a custom trailer hitch cover are just some the things that will help set you apart from the rest of the pack.
- Mud: Nothing says, “I know how to get down and dirty” like mud. The more mud the better. Don’t have a ready supply? Find a construction site, wet your car down with a bucket or hose, and throw dirt at it.
I hope this guide has helped you on your way to being accepted as a real cowboy. Good luck and happy modifying!